Meditation
I first heard the word meditation, preceded by the word transcendental, in a song by Stevie Wonder. I sang along whenever I heard it on the radio. The words come back to me, even now: “Transcendental Meditation speaks of inner preservation. Transcendental Meditation gives you peace of mind.” I’ve taken up daily meditation during Lent, a period of reflection (if not penitence) in the Episcopal Church. When meditating, I’m not thinking especially religious thoughts because I’m not supposed to be thinking about anything at all – well, except my breathing. I know I am breathing in. I know I am breathing out. For me, this mantra works for about 30 seconds before outside thoughts muscle their way into my head.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, my instructor and the voice coming through my ear buds, tells me this is okay, this is normal. What I’m supposed to do is “gently and lovingly” bring my wayward attention back to the breath – no harsh self-judgment allowed! The point of this exercise, of meditating comes down to living in the present moment, rather than ruminating about the past or planning, planning, planning for the future. As it turns out, many of us choose the past or the future as the focus of our thoughts.
This is a photo from a trip with friends last fall to Amelia Island. While I’m now practicing meditating in a chair, I already do it all the time - with open eyes - when I’m out for a walk at sunrise.
Over the weekend, as I was scrolling through possible meditations, I found the Coping with Stress section. Perfect – I stress myself out all the time! This needs to be done. That needs to be done. And this needs to be done like that. Maybe, JKZ can help me slow down a bit, I thought, as I eyed the various choices in his app. I was horrified to see they were all 45 minutes long! Who can sit that long and do…nothing?
However, the part of me that wants to learn to relax, to explore living in the present more than I do, was curious. Can I sit that long? In a bedroom upstairs is a large leather chair with an ottoman to support stretched-out legs. This, I told myself, will be my meditation spot. I grabbed the blanket folded at the end of the bed and draped it over myself, already pondering the possibilities of adopting this as a napping location, too. JKZ advocates sitting on the floor or in a straight-back chair with a “dignified posture.” Embracing his loving kindness philosophy, I gave myself points simply for not slouching.
The meditation was divided into four sections – breathing, body sensations, hearing, and thoughts, with a lot of silence in between. JKZ likes his students to breathe into their bellies, which I have learned how to do, even though it seems more natural to breathe into my lungs. The issue on Saturday morning was that my belly was full of pancakes (a reward Ted and I prepare for ourselves when we go for a really long walk). Instead of deep and soothing, my breathing was shallow and somewhat labored.
Body sensations? I felt relaxed enough to notice a few head bobs – had I briefly fallen asleep? – and how comfortable the chair and ottoman felt on my back, bottom, and legs, all wrapped in the blanket. The best part was the end, when JKZ encouraged us to open the valve and let in all the thoughts we wanted, a thought bonanza! The only catch was to not dwell on the thoughts (i.e. sink into actual thinking). Instead I was encouraged to register thoughts and release them. Fair enough. After 35 minutes, I was happy enough with his permission to allow thoughts, however quickly.
When the meditation was over, I felt a little disoriented – maybe from keeping my eyes closed mid-morning for almost an hour; maybe from sitting that long and doing nothing; and maybe from the distinctly unstressed way I felt.
Have your ever tried meditating? Or do you have another way of clearing your mind?
Recommendation: A friend of mine recommended I listen to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle to learn about living in the present. It’s not easy to ignore the past or block out the future, but just being aware it’s possible is a good start.
Oh, my dear, after reading your blog I can’t stop giggling. Susan is finally getting it! Seems to me during all my years of facilitating meditation, your avoidance was almost palpable. Your inner wisdom has won. Keep at it, especially now when global chaos exists!
While we were still living in Noank, we gathered each week with a small group of friends to share 1 hour of silent giving meditation together. Like prayer, the purpose is to offer up our meditations to the universe for its' use, knowing that folks around the world will be doing the same. For me, meditations that are led by someone speaking just annoy the daylights of me. I wind up telling them to just shut up already. I want to breathe in the sounds and smells that are naturally surrounding me, letting my thoughts push in and me pushing them out on my own. I know, easier said than done but still a worthwhile endeavor.